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A lot has been said about families; they are most often and commonly called the basic unit of society.  But that definition seems too cold and detached, academic and intellectual, and it reduces what constitutes a huge part of the lives of persons into what is basically a small group, that is part of a larger group. The definition is true, but also quite reductive. In the context of persons, the family is the root of who we are, which is why it is imperative for all of us to uphold it. 

 

There are numerous studies that all point towards the same conclusion, that children tend to have both biological parents present in their childhood have better development over all aspects of their lives, compared to single parents, separated parents or parents that have other partners. This is not to say that irregular familial situations have parents that are less capable of loving, far from it. Because to a not insignificant number of people, parenthood and the idea of a happy family has too often been tainted by lived experiences that have been both heartbreaking and tragic. It is a wake-up call to us as individuals, as persons, to change how we view what a family is, and what it should be. A family can be beautiful, a family can be happy, a family can be safe, which is why we must defend it. 

 

Try and remember your earliest happy memory of your parents. Remember the innocence of your childhood, all was right in the world. There was no distrust, no fear, no pain. There was only mom, dad, and love. The memories and experiences we have with our families shape who we are. A loving family raises a loving child, which becomes a loving, compassionate adult, who becomes a loving parent, and the cycle repeats. However, no family is perfect. As much joy was there in our pasts, there was also much pain. Our responsibility is to grow despite the hurt and pain, and come out better, wiser, stronger for ourselves and for those around us. 

 

We do not choose our parents, and they do not choose their children. It is this mystery that cements the truth that life is a gift, because it is grace freely given. It is in the home where we are all first taught how to love. Our experiences in our home, with our family should never discourage us and cause us to discredit the idea of the family forever, but as we grow older, it should become a mirror in which we can see who we have become. The scars left on our hearts do not make us become unlovable, they are simply part of who we are; we must love that part of ourselves too. In doing so, we become able to love our families in a new light. One of forgiveness and gratitude, for they have irrevocably shaped who we have become.

 

The family… is a mystery. In its regularity, it is often taken for granted, often held in contempt. It is sometimes looked at with joy and contentment, but sometimes with regret and pain. But there is no doubt that all of it is beautiful, even for the simple fact that it is why we are alive, and it is the reason we exist. Let us all try to rise above whatever holds us back, and become what we are all meant to be, a true family. 

 

In Pursuit of Healing

by Dhei Puyaoan

Have you ever experienced hating yourself and the world so much that you didn’t want to move forward because you felt hopeless, even begging God not to let His light shine upon you the next morning? That was my situation a few years ago, and yet, here I am! God, who loves me so deeply, still wants me to experience His mercy, which is new every morning.

 

It was 2021, more than a year into the pandemic, and the world was slightly on lockdown. The work I was doing burned me out, my relationships with people were failing, and I felt unworthy as a missionary because I was ashamed of my past. I was not okay. I was anxious most of the time, with a constant fear of failing and not meeting others’ expectations. The only thing left in me was the knowledge that God is a good Father—never failing and always loving.

 

We often say that God is always fighting for us, but in reality, God also wants us to fight for Him. I mustered the courage to seek professional help and booked a consultation with a psychiatrist. After a few sessions, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. At first, it was liberating to finally understand what was wrong so I could do something about it, but as time went on, it became difficult to accept that something was indeed wrong with me. On top of that, I had to take two medications and attend monthly consultations, which were costly. At the same time, I had to keep working, as leaving my mission work was not an option. I had to function well while dealing with my own healing. It was a challenging phase because people often don’t understand what you’re going through, and I feared being judged and questioned about my ability to care for others.

 

I knew the enemy was taking advantage of my situation to pull me away from God, so I realized I had to fight back and take action. At that moment, I began to appreciate the grace the Lord was giving me. I had been so consumed by lies that I forgot His presence. Through all of these experiences, I’ve learned many things, but let me share three lessons that motivate me in my pursuit of healing.

 

The first lesson I learned is that healing requires being intentional. We need to actively desire healing. When we choose to heal, we will do whatever it takes to find peace. Being intentional about our healing means becoming discerning about what will help us and avoiding what will make us feel worse. This includes being consistent with medication and consultations, avoiding triggers, and building a routine that helps clear our minds. When we are intentional, we start to be mindful and take better care of ourselves.

 

The second lesson I learned is the importance of having a support group that will be there for you. This could be your family, friends, or the community you belong to. You don’t need to share your struggles with the whole world, but it’s essential to confide in those you know are willing to help carry your burden. The burden may still be there, but with others helping you bear it, it feels lighter. These are the people who will pray for you and celebrate your small steps toward victory.

 

When I first found out about my diagnosis, I immediately told my sister. I was hesitant to share it with our parents, but my sister broke the news to them. This brought our family closer together and more understanding of each other. We started avoiding certain topics to minimize misunderstandings and conflicts, and they became accountable to me as well. My friends have also been there to support me. When something triggers my depression, I tend to push people away and choose to be alone. But I praise God for friends who never left me and are willing to embrace me, even when I’m not doing okay.

 

The last lesson is that prayer is important. I’m sure you’ve read many posts stating that depression is NOT a result of a lack of prayer, and while this is true, we cannot deny that prayer actually helps. Prayer makes us courageous warriors. Yes, we may be wounded, but that doesn’t mean defeat; these wounds are meant to make us stronger. When we are struggling, we need God all the more. The sacraments—especially the Eucharist and Confession—allow us to see His goodness. So take time to talk to the Lord; He is ever-present and ready to embrace you when everything around you seems to be crashing. He is there!

 

It has been six months since I was taken off medication, and I’m grateful for this experience. Through it, I have learned more about myself and discovered what Jesus can do in my life. So, let us pursue healing and seek Jesus in our healing journey.

As a child, all we did was study and play with our friends after school. Life seemed to be lighthearted. When we grow older, we reach the stage where we begin to question things, especially ourselves, and as a teenager, I will admit that I sometimes tend to lean on the most common teenage mantra: life sucks.

 

At some point in our lives, we probably thought that life sucked—it’s unfair. We believe life is against us because we always battle our struggles, doubts, and worries. Life encourages us to let go of people and things we want to hold on to—ideas, experiences, decisions, and more. It challenges us to step out of our comfort zone and bite the bullet. And most importantly, life makes us want to live it to the fullest. Beautiful, right? But, of course, it’s easier said than done. Our minds are clouded with thoughts like, I don’t think I am worthy of anything; I am scared to take a risk; I carry a heavy weight on my shoulder. We ask ourselves, How do I even find fulfillment in my life?

 

What is life? Life is a relationship with Life. In John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” This tells us that Jesus is a person. Life is not just about mere events, from the moment of our birth to our goals and achievements to the day we die; life is a summation, amalgamation, and consolidation of everything. Life isn’t just what you are experiencing right now—there is so much more to it. As Steven Curtis Chapman has said, “There is more to this life than living or dying, more than just trying to make it through the day.”

 

When we think of fulfillment in life, our goals come to mind. I want to attend and graduate from this university! I want to be a doctor! I want to start a business! While the goals we set for ourselves are a wonderful pursuit, they do not compare to the one true ultimate goal, and that is to better understand and appreciate Life Himself, who is Jesus Christ. If we limit our goals to temporal things, we will reach a dead end and will never stay satisfied with them—as St. Augustine says, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” So, life means building a relationship with Life. For us to establish a relationship with Jesus, we must completely surrender ourselves to Him. We must surrender all our goals and trust in His plans, for He has our best interest in His heart. Thus, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” —Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Going back to the question, How do I find fulfillment in life? Fulfillment is found in a person, Jesus Christ, to whom we surrender everything to—our uncertainties, sorrows, hopes, and more. There is no greater pursuit in life than the pursuit of God Himself, who is willing to be found by us.

Maximum Joy!

At 7:46 a.m. on February 20, 2024, I received one of life’s greatest blessings—a healthy baby boy named Pier Maximilian, who we fondly call Max. He’s named after Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati and Saint Maximilian Kolbe, two holy men my wife and I deeply admire. Reflecting on that day, I recall never ceasing in my prayers to our Lord and seeking the intercession of Our Lady, Mother Mary, for my wife and Max’s safety during labor and delivery. I called upon and begged help from every saint we know, praying, “Just keep them safe and healthy.” It was a moment filled with both intense difficulty and immense relief, especially for Karen, my wife. But by God’s grace, she made it through that long labor. 

The first few days with Baby Max were also challenging as we were unprepared for the complications of postpartum recovery. During this time, Karen struggled with the pain from her stitches, breastfeeding, and maintaining her mental health. Although she had a normal delivery, she had undergone a third-degree tear and an episiotomy, adding significantly to her discomfort. Simple tasks like sitting, moving, or using the bathroom became difficult, and the pain was far more intense than she had expected. Breastfeeding was another source of pain; each time we tried to latch Max, it hurt her deeply due to his oral ties. It was hard to imagine her pain and sacrifices, but I’m forever grateful for Karen’s fighting spirit—she’s the Karen I know, who never gives up.

As a father, I knew I had to step up. I had to be there for them constantly, pouring all my energy into supporting them—preparing meals, running errands, putting Max to sleep, and changing diapers. I’m not a perfect father, but those moments pushed me to become better. They pushed me to deepen the love I give them. God allowed me to love them in a way they truly deserve.

It’s true that having a baby changes everything. Life is no longer what it was when it was just me and my wife. Everything—sleeping, eating, working, going out— now adjusts and revolves around our new life with Max. Yes, it requires a lot of adjustments, but if you are a new parent, please know it’s always worth it. Don’t be afraid of the changes because, in time, you’ll adjust, just like every parent does. You just need to step up your game.

Now, Max is almost six months old. He’s a cheerful boy who smiles at everyone he sees. We’re overjoyed that so many people love him. Our love for him has deepened our love for each other and strengthened our marriage and family. From budgeting for Max to planning vacations and events, everything we do now is united by our love for him. His smile and milestones never fail to melt our hearts. Even now, we’re still in awe that the Lord blessed us with a healthy baby boy who brings maximum joy wherever he goes. He is truly a beautiful manifestation of God’s love for us. Indeed, life is a wonderful blessing.

Does money bring value to your life? To some extent, maybe it does and it isn’t bad. We need to make use of what God gifted us with to live a decent life and help provide for our family.

Some may find opportunities right away, some just hope for their turn to come soon. Now, the question is, how much value do you think money brings into your life?

In the early years of my employment, I was in a rush to be financially stable and get to the top of the corporate ladder. I was driven with pride and huge hatred.

I entertained this darkness for many years until I found myself unable to sleep at night. Some nights my thoughts are about plotting petty revenge on my relatives who degraded me and my family because we did not have as much money as they had.

And that’s why I wanted a lot of money.

Adding to my adversity, I endured anxiety attacks every night for months, and whenever I thought I was going to “finally die” , I would apologize to God for being a failure—that I didn’t make it and I will die poor. Later on, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety which greatly affected my career.

Did I hate God? I was not sure. I still went to Sunday mass, confessed regularly and continued my prayer time. But yes, I did question Him. He saw how devastated I was, and yet He kept pouring more pains in my life. Why? After all my offered service, why?

Looking back, I realized medicines and therapy were just band-aids because my true healing started with forgiveness.

When one of them died, my husband went to the wake. According to him, my relatives were asking about me. I realized there’s no point in all of my hatred. My relatives had moved on and there I was stuck in darkness.

I cried so hard. I knew it was time to let go of the pains of hatred, and of pride that hindered my forgiveness.

It was surreal, like I felt the clouds opening up to me, sending rays of light. It was warm and light.

Well, deep wounds require God’s grace to heal.

It changed me from within. The memory of what transpired suddenly became blurry and their words were now fading echoes in the wind.

Money is still important but it is no longer my metric of respect, success and happiness. I learned that shortage of money doesn’t make me poor, but pride, hatred and envy will.

God’s grace is most visible to grateful and content hearts. There is also power in humility that free us from the pressure of worldly standards, and lastly, hope strengthens the faith.

I regret holding on to my issues. I am also ashamed for those times that I was praying for my enemies’ downfall, and for thinking that God will listen. Maybe He did listen but did not allow it because God doesn’t dwell in sin.

Life in God’s grace is very beautiful… I see it now.

“I have come so that they may have life and have it to the full.” -John 10,10 

 

The gift of human life is considered to be the greatest blessing from God, as we are made in His image and likeness. Our lives are therefore sacred. God further demonstrated the value of human life by sending His Only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, who became human and shared in our existence. Given the beauty and splendor of human life, it is essential for us to prioritize and honor its sanctity because it is indeed our responsibility to take care for one another. As God’s command tells us to love one another, we are trusted by God to take care of our neighbors, or shall we say, to look after our fellow human beings. Respecting human life is of utmost importance in both the teachings of the Church and society.

 

And the sad thing is that the culture of death can endanger human life through many offenses. This is the irony behind life. It is a shame and a sorrow that as faithful people, we have neglected the sanctity of human life and dignity, as well as our duties as stewards. We recognize that every womb and family is threatened by issues such as abortion and divorce, which undermine the sanctity of human life and the fundamental unit of society – the family.  Regrettably, moral values have been eroded due to these violations against human life. It’s time to put an end to these challenges. 

 

The Catholic faith offers us many ways to show respect for human life and each other. By defending the faith, family, and life, we ground human life doctrinal and remind ourselves that no power on earth can undermine our dignity as human beings. God is our loving creator and the abiding source in our quest for justice. Furthermore, Jesus Christ’s teachings remind us to respect and cherish human life by showing unconditional love for one another, including our enemies. This profound love safeguards our inherent dignity as individuals. Certainly, this pertains to our commitment to loving others by enhancing the quality of human life. Life and love are inseparable, and our mission is to protect and promote human life, which is God’s greatest gift of all.

There is more to life than all the troubles and sorrows that may come. There is joy and hope in life amidst the hardships. There is a way through every challenge and a purpose to every experience.

 

I grew up living very conscious about the many insecurities and weaknesses I have. There were a couple of heartbreaking moments where I felt abandoned and forgotten. I have seen and heard many hurtful encounters which made me hesitant and timid. But over the years, God has been good and generous to let me see the goodness of His love and the warmth of His care through the people around me. 

 

Looking back at all the moments of triumph and defeat, God really did not abandon me. One specific moment in my life where God has intimately revealed His mighty yet gentle love was when I was on a journey of healing from a diagnosed mental disorder. It was April 2023 when I found out that I was suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. I was in the middle of my last semester in college when I encountered this heartbreaking news. The years of hurt and unpleasant memories took a toll during a crucial season of my student life. I felt weak and lost, but His grace allowed me to seek professional help and special care from my family and friends. 

 

It was only then, when I let my weaknesses out in the open, was I able to really undergo the right way of healing. After a year of medication and a deeper healing journey, I was able to recover from depression. God used the gift of family, friends, and community to help me heal and move forward. It was not a smooth journey, but God and the people around me were patient enough to love me in the way I needed to. This journey has revealed so many beautiful hearts who were willing to walk with me in the middle of the storm. They were God’s extension of strength and hope. I know that I wouldn’t be able to overcome that season of my life if not for the support and prayers of my loved ones. It was also through the gift of mission where I saw constant hope and joy. I have found purpose in the chances God gave me through serving Him. 

 

When the wounds of our painful experiences are mended by God, we are able to see and hear things clearly. When our hearts are held by the loving hands of God, we are able to experience life with gratitude and a great sense of care towards others. When we let God see us through, only then will we receive the deepest longings of our hearts. 

 

There is a way through life’s sorrows because we have a God who is not indifferent to our sufferings. God deeply knows and loves us. God can restore our hearts, memories, and relationships. I believe that it was all because of God’s grace that I was able to heal and live life with greater joy and purpose. I am holding on that it is also the same grace that will bring me wherever He calls me to.

Living a dream is the desire of many. As a child, I did have my wildest dreams. I dreamed of having a lot of friends when I entered primary school, experiencing prom at my high school, taking a culinary course at college, becoming a famous chef, and having a huge restaurant and a big house with lots of money. That was my wildest dream when I was a child. However, most of it did not happen. When I started primary school, I was bullied and barely had friends. I did manage to have friends, but all of them transferred to other schools, leaving me alone. During high school, I was so excited to finally experience prom, but then the pandemic came and prom was canceled. I felt like the world was so distant to me. I was so envious of those who have an easy life and hated those who don’t know how to appreciate it.

 

Then I was just living by surviving every day while hoping that it would be my last day. Depression and identity crisis came to me during my rebellious phase as a teenager. My dreams slowly faded until I finally stopped hoping that they would come true someday. At my lowest during the pandemic, I lay in my room in the darkness. I had two options: to give up or to fight for one last time. The following day, I was invited to a youth camp. So I agreed to join since I wanted to distract myself, but it somehow changed my perspective on life. I realized that I’m seeing black and white, aiming for my dreams and giving up after they failed. Now I see that life is colorful, full of ups and downs with twists and turns. I have opened my eyes to the fact that even though I may not achieve what I seek, I have been directed to a better path all these years. I was so busy looking at the success of others that I was too blinded to see mine.

 

As I entered college, I still wasn’t able to enter my dream university and course, but God directed me to the place where I was supposed to be. I have faced a lot of challenges and entered new opportunities in life. I enjoyed college a lot, despite all the hardships and challenges. I wasn’t even expecting to enter a new chapter in my life when I met my loved one. I also have wonderful friends with whom I can grow spiritually and who are supportive.

 

Even in my wildest dreams, I did not imagine that I would encounter a lot of surprises in my life. I was saved and retrieved from the darkness and in hopelessness; now I must say life must be celebrated as it was a gift for us by God. We may be lost or stuck, but He always finds us. We may encounter challenges, but we must surrender our worries, doubts, and fears, for whatever we are praying will be given to us in such ways. I want to share this message: I once wanted to live a dream, but I was taught how to live it.

I am Sister Mary Jane Dayaday Pacaco, OP, from the Dominican Sisters of the Most Holy Rosary of the Philippines. I entered the convent at the age of 19 and am the youngest daughter of Mr. Avelino Pacaco and Mrs. Florentina Pacaco of San Enrique, Iloilo. I have 7 siblings, 5 boys and 2 girls.

 

 

My desire to enter religious life began when I met a relative who is a sister during my elementary years. However, I forgot about that desire along the way. One day, God rekindled my desire through the Servant Community Mary Immaculate Conception. I vividly remember the night I sought permission from my mother to become a sister. Grabe yung iyak ni Mama, “kung alam ko lang na ganito, sana di na lang kita pinayagan sumali dyan.” She’s referring to the religious organization, as I was also a former member of the University of Iloilo Campus Ministry and Couples for Christ Youth for Family and Life (CFC-YFL).

 

 

Despite my mother’s discouragement, I courageously answered the call after the World Youth Congress (WYC) in 2013. It was in the YFL Community that I discovered more about myself and God. Sa community mas na deepen yung relationship ko kay Lord and the desire to serve. As I encountered Him, I couldn’t help but share Christ with others. I started giving talks during youth camp and became active in the community because I wanted to share the feeling of fulfilment of being in the presence of God and the joy of being part of the community, especially to the youth. Even though I’m already in the convent, memories of serving in the community flash back. I miss those days, and though I am physically separated from them, I know we are spiritually united. I am so grateful to the community where I learned self-giving and self-surrendering because the more I get closer to the Lord, the more I understand the real meaning of “Not my will, O Lord, but yours be done.”

 

 

But serving the Lord is not a promise of a comfortable and easy life. Being a sister, I am not exempt from struggles and pains. On September 6, 2020, I lost my nephew to suicide at the age of 17. It was a very painful experience. When that happened, part of me was also lost. During that time, I just wanted to be alone; there are times that I will remember him in an instant, and my tears will just fall. There are times that I cannot even sleep at night, and in the middle of the night, I’ll wake up and remember him, and I will start crying again. I even questioned the Lord, WHY, Lord? Why? It was so painful, and it’s not easy to accept knowing that my nephew lost his life in that way. And during that time, my only prayer was, “Lord, it is painful, but I know You are with me.”

 

One time I posted on my FB account an image of a neck hanging with a caption, “Maling pagsuko,” and an image of a hand with a praying posture and a caption, “Tamang pagsuko.” And then, I received a message from a friend saying, “Thank you Sr. MJ for this message.” She told me that she was about to give up and wanted to hang herself to end her life, but when she saw my post, it gives her hope to continue living despite the many problems she is facing right now. After our conversation, I faced my altar and cried to the Lord saying, “Lord, this person didn’t know that I am also struggling, but thank you for using me as your instrument.” It was a consolation and an assurance that no matter what happens, I will never be alone because I have God who is bigger than all my problems and struggles in life.

 

Sometimes God will use our weaknesses to strengthen others and our wounds to heal and save others. God works in mysterious ways, and oftentimes we cannot understand His plan, but all we have to do is trust Him and remain in His love.

 

It’s been a glorious decade since I dedicated my life wholeheartedly to serving the Lord. Each passing year, His grace has been my guiding light, illuminating my path with divine love and wisdom. My life continues to be a testament to His grace, and I always find joy and fulfillment in serving Him faithfully.

 

Since then, we have struggled financially, but my parents endeavored tirelessly to see me finish my schooling. Despite the distance it would create, my mother made the difficult decision to work abroad, all for the sake of ensuring our education, especially mine. However, amidst this sacrifice, I couldn’t help but feel the void in my heart caused by her absence.

 

Yet, through it all, her love and sacrifice became a beacon of inspiration for me. It taught me resilience, determination, and the value of sacrifice. I realized that her physical absence didn’t diminish her love; it only magnified it, for she was sacrificing her presence for our future.

 

There came a time when my parents began to argue with each other for various difficult reasons. Misunderstandings arose, and it seemed as though I lost interest in hearing their constant bickering. Even my elder brother couldn’t bear the strain of the situation any longer.

 

In response, I continually prayed and hoped for reconciliation within our family. I beseeched God to grant me strength so I could support my siblings through these turbulent times. Despite the turmoil, my dedication to serving the Lord remained unwavering. I became increasingly involved in various ministries, eventually being selected as a Youth Coordinator in our parish. Through the grace of the Lord, I also found solace and support in the Missionary Families of Christ (MFC) Community. Their presence greatly aided me in persevering through tears, anxiety, and a sense of loss that weighed heavily upon me.

 

In the midst of these challenges, my involvement in these activities provided me with solace and fortitude. Despite everything within my family, I held fast to my faith and commitment to serving the Lord and His people. I remained steadfast in my belief that through prayer and perseverance, our family would eventually overcome its struggles and find peace once more.

 

At present, my family has reached a point of peace and understanding. Though we acknowledge our imperfections, we continue to strive for happiness together. I have completed my education and am currently employed, while still serving the Lord. Through the trials we faced, we emerged stronger and more united, a testament to the enduring power of faith and love. As I look to the future, I am filled with gratitude for the blessings we have received and the journey that has brought us to where we are today.

I am Jirah Sanchez Pornete, and these are my life experiences illustrating how God has remained faithful to me throughout this journey.

 

Indeed, life is worth living when you prioritize God above all else. May God be praised.