Skip to content

Life has a different definition for me now. As a married woman and a young mother, let me share with you how life has been so messy yet full of surprises that give us a thousand reasons to celebrate.

My husband and I got married on August 27, 2020- the year when the Covid-19 pandemic hit our country. Our intimate wedding might not be the one we had ever planned for (because of the limitations and the many changes), but it was still a memorable one that I will not trade for any other.

Four months after, we were blessed to know that I am already carrying our firstborn son. We were happy and excited! But then, my pregnancy wasn’t the way I thought it would be. I knew that pregnancy will never be easy and unique for every expectant mother, but mine I guess was one for the books. I’ve experienced the worst symptoms, had a couple of bed rest, and later had a preterm delivery. My amniotic fluid sac was ruptured during my 7th month of pregnancy. My OB tried to prolong it but ended to have an emergency CS on my 6th day in the hospital. I wasn’t able to hold him. I only heard him cry. They said he got a perfect APGAR score, a healthy preterm baby yet still, he was born too soon. His lungs were not yet ready. He was at risk of complications.

Too early that he didn’t wait for our baby nesting.
Too early that our friends’ plan for the baby shower was cancelled.
Too early that we weren’t able to buy clothes for him even a pair of booties.
Too early that we didn’t know what to feel anymore.
Too early that he has to face this world with his lungs that weren’t completely matured yet.
Too early that we went home without him and he stayed in NICU for 3 painful aching weeks.

 

By the time I am writing it now makes me still feel how painful that was.

Truly, it was a roller coaster ride. That was 3 weeks full of uncertainties, fear, deep longing, and pain. But then, even if I still didn’t get any answers to my questions of “why us” and “why did it happen”, I just knew that God didn’t leave us. It was really tough and even the thought of what we had experienced, still stabs my heart now. Truly, God’s grace is sufficient. His providence in all aspects is endless.

Now, our son is already 8 months old and we are really grateful that he never had any complications whatsoever. His milestones and developments are continuously doing great. He is very active and he can already do things you would not expect a preemie can do at the moment.

On the other hand, motherhood is also another thing. From my pregnancy journey to breastfeeding and nursing, a lot have had happened to me. I have become another woman- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have gained a lot of weight. My breasts aren’t the same again. I lost a lot of hair. I had a C-section scar and lots of stretch marks on my tummy and legs. I couldn’t sleep for a full 8-hour straight anymore. I don’t have much time for myself. My lifestyle has totally changed and so with my heart. I did not realize that my heart can love more than what it can contain. My permanent scars remind me of how much God used my body for life and how much it has stretched beyond limits for love. Life indeed was painted in it for keeps.

These changes are beautiful and worthy of love. I have learned to be more selfless from simply leaving my favorite coffee and hot meal so I can attend to our baby to staying up late despite a difficult day without rest. Amazing how I still find our house beautiful despite the food crumbs and toys on the floor. The happiness. The sacrifices. Every little thing that seems to be so messy and daunting is all beautiful. God has taught me to see beauty amid the chaos. Our pandemic wedding, sensitive pregnancy, preterm delivery, motherhood, marriage, family, and all in between are all beautiful. Life at times may be chaotic but is irreplaceable and beautiful. I thank Him for the gift of marriage, of family, and the privilege of being a mother. With all of these things, God has used for me to be more loving and appreciate how wonderful our life is. Chaotic? Yes, but definitely worth fighting, worth loving, and ever beautiful.

#ProofofLife #FamilyandLife #Motherhood