My family has been through a lot like many of you. At 8 (and when my younger brother was 2), I witnessed my parents almost separating because of many serious factors, all of which could have been grounds for divorce based on the bill now being discussed. Years later, there were more instances like that, which again led to being on verge of separation. Eventually, they patched things up, which I believe are the fruit of prayers. They’re still together to this day, and have been so for 40 years.
We all have our opinions on divorce. Here’s mine:
If you don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage that was instituted by Christ, then don’t have one, at least not through the Catholic Church. The Church will always intervene when it comes to faith and morals. If you don’t believe in the Church’s teachings—let alone in God—then we can leave it at that.
But from a non-religious perspective, it is a binding contract similar to all contracts that shouldn’t be breached. And like any other contract, there are repercussions. If this means you’d have to go through a hard time processing papers, you should’ve known these things before entering the marriage/contract.
It’s why there’s a Filipino saying addressed to couples intending to marry, “Ang kasal ay hindi parang mainit na kanin na pag napaso ay iluluwa.” It is a reminder that you have to be sure that you know the person well, that you love him/her no matter what, and that you’ll commit to the person until the end, regardless if the romantic feelings are still there or not. Karol Wojtyla would define love as a “decision driven by commitment.” .
I believe that divorce will not change people’s bad behaviors, rather, it will only tolerate it if one is allowed to remarry after a divorce. Examples of this are Hollywood celebrities who decide to get married and file for a divorce even after 2-3 days, only to get married again to the next person. In this kind of scenario, it’s always the kids who suffer—their psychological and emotional well-being is always at stake. When they grow up, their perception of love/relationships and how they conduct themselves to the world will be based on the lack of structural foundation at home. Showing children at a young age that the separation of parents is such a normal thing is harmful not only to them but to society at large. After all, isn’t it that one of the first questions a therapist would ask is, “What was your childhood like?”
How are we supposed to end the cycle of generational trauma if we make laws that tolerate bad behaviors rather than making laws that strengthen individuals, marriages, and family counseling? Why not make them affordable and accessible?
I love my crazy family. I love my parents more for always trying to work things out and still trying to work out their differences because of their promise and commitment to God, to each other, and to us their kids. We definitely need therapy but not divorce.
For family and friends who have been through or are going through difficult times because of their parents, relationships or family dynamics, I am deeply sorry you had to go through that. The reality is, we are all broken. But we don’t need to use that brokenness to break others too.