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I am Sister Mary Jane Dayaday Pacaco, OP, from the Dominican Sisters of the Most Holy Rosary of the Philippines. I entered the convent at the age of 19 and am the youngest daughter of Mr. Avelino Pacaco and Mrs. Florentina Pacaco of San Enrique, Iloilo. I have 7 siblings, 5 boys and 2 girls.

 

 

My desire to enter religious life began when I met a relative who is a sister during my elementary years. However, I forgot about that desire along the way. One day, God rekindled my desire through the Servant Community Mary Immaculate Conception. I vividly remember the night I sought permission from my mother to become a sister. Grabe yung iyak ni Mama, “kung alam ko lang na ganito, sana di na lang kita pinayagan sumali dyan.” She’s referring to the religious organization, as I was also a former member of the University of Iloilo Campus Ministry and Couples for Christ Youth for Family and Life (CFC-YFL).

 

 

Despite my mother’s discouragement, I courageously answered the call after the World Youth Congress (WYC) in 2013. It was in the YFL Community that I discovered more about myself and God. Sa community mas na deepen yung relationship ko kay Lord and the desire to serve. As I encountered Him, I couldn’t help but share Christ with others. I started giving talks during youth camp and became active in the community because I wanted to share the feeling of fulfilment of being in the presence of God and the joy of being part of the community, especially to the youth. Even though I’m already in the convent, memories of serving in the community flash back. I miss those days, and though I am physically separated from them, I know we are spiritually united. I am so grateful to the community where I learned self-giving and self-surrendering because the more I get closer to the Lord, the more I understand the real meaning of “Not my will, O Lord, but yours be done.”

 

 

But serving the Lord is not a promise of a comfortable and easy life. Being a sister, I am not exempt from struggles and pains. On September 6, 2020, I lost my nephew to suicide at the age of 17. It was a very painful experience. When that happened, part of me was also lost. During that time, I just wanted to be alone; there are times that I will remember him in an instant, and my tears will just fall. There are times that I cannot even sleep at night, and in the middle of the night, I’ll wake up and remember him, and I will start crying again. I even questioned the Lord, WHY, Lord? Why? It was so painful, and it’s not easy to accept knowing that my nephew lost his life in that way. And during that time, my only prayer was, “Lord, it is painful, but I know You are with me.”

 

One time I posted on my FB account an image of a neck hanging with a caption, “Maling pagsuko,” and an image of a hand with a praying posture and a caption, “Tamang pagsuko.” And then, I received a message from a friend saying, “Thank you Sr. MJ for this message.” She told me that she was about to give up and wanted to hang herself to end her life, but when she saw my post, it gives her hope to continue living despite the many problems she is facing right now. After our conversation, I faced my altar and cried to the Lord saying, “Lord, this person didn’t know that I am also struggling, but thank you for using me as your instrument.” It was a consolation and an assurance that no matter what happens, I will never be alone because I have God who is bigger than all my problems and struggles in life.

 

Sometimes God will use our weaknesses to strengthen others and our wounds to heal and save others. God works in mysterious ways, and oftentimes we cannot understand His plan, but all we have to do is trust Him and remain in His love.