Hello, my name is Bok Magadia and I’ve been in the MFC Community for almost half of my life, starting out as a member of the Youth Ministry then the Singles Ministry and now also as a Mission Volunteer for Live Life.
My service in the community has made me realize how God really loves us. I feel happy and fulfilled, as if I was in heaven, and this has made me more passionate and ready to do God’s work.
Last 2010, I passed the board exam and I was overjoyed for it was what I had been praying for. In spite of that, it was also the start of my frustrations – with my family, my career and my relationship with the Lord. I was depressed because I felt that my family was not supporting me in my decisions, that God had abandoned me during that time of need, and that the job I was in was not what I had hoped always for.
Just as I thought that I already had enough struggles, I did not expect another one coming. My father, who already had hypertension suffered a stroke. The doctors told us that we needed to raise half a million for his medical expenses.
I got another job at a BPO company, with good pay and healthcare for me and my father. The healthcare card was supposed to cover half of the expenses for my fathers’ surgery and medication. But six days before the release of my healthcare card, my father suffered another stroke. And after all that the doctors did to save him, my father still left us. For all these, for what had befallen us, I blamed God.
I felt alone and isolated from my family and friends. I turned my attention to getting involved in a number of impure relationships. For four years, I was in and out of bad relationships with the last one getting me in deepest trouble. I consulted a Psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Major Depression. A major effect of this feeling was the thought that the only solution to all my problems was to take my own life. All my attempts were futile and I slowly realized that the Lord still loved me.
I tried to go to Church, but could not utter a single prayer. I just cried and cried. And when I attended Mass, I stayed outside for fear of the stares of the crowd, but more so because I felt unworthy in front of the Lord.
I continued praying and attending Masses but with my feelings still remained unchanged. One day, I believe God answered my prayer, when a friend reached out to me. After a long time, I had someone to talk to, someone to share my story with. I felt my cross get lighter. He invited me to attend the Live Pure Conference in Makati. In that conference, there was an area where one could go to confession. It had been 5 years since my last confession so I mustered enough courage and approached a priest. After the sacrament, the priest hugged me and said, “Welcome back, the Lord loves you”. There was an indescribable feeling of relief and contentment all over me. I was happy. I felt God in my life again, His immeasurable love and His unfathomable mercy.
After the conference, I decided that I would go back to Him, to glorify Him, to serve Him. I made sure that every time I was offered an opportunity to serve Him, I always say yes.
3 years after that decision, I realized that God really is a promise-keeper. He left my prayers unanswered because He was molding me to become a better version of myself and He was preparing me for the blessings that He would give me.
Today, I am blessed with a wonderful relationship and soon we will be receiving Gods’ gift in marriage. I have realized that life is beautiful. We only have to choose Him and all else will follow. After all that has happened to me, I am here and I commit to serve the Lord forever.